29 posts tagged “military”
Who do you write down as your Emergency Contact? Why did you pick this person?
Like most married folks, I list my spouse as my primary emergency contact. Unlike most married folks, our situation is not simple enough to say, "That's that!" and move on with the rest of whatever form I'm filling out. With my husband on active duty in the Navy, we're heading into a part of his career where he will be as likely to be thousands of miles away and largely out of touch if something happens to me as he will to be on base just down the road. Even when he isn't actually out on det (deployed, but the C-2A community runs detachment style rather than the whole squadron deploying at once), there will still be plenty of times when he'll be inaccessible. It's just not feasible for my husband to be the only soul on my emergency contact list.
It's strange to think about contingencies in place should anything happen to me; I'm much more used to nailing out the details of how I would be contacted if M were hurt or... I can't type the other one. (Hey, I'm not that inured to thinking about these horrifying possibilities.) Some fellow military spouse friends of mine were confronted with having to fill out all that "Primary Next of Kin" information just before their husbands deployed. That's just what you think about in excruciating detail during the last little bit of time you have to enjoy with your spouse before he goes away for months: how you want to receive the worst possible news of your entire life! Yay!--let's dwell on such cheery subjects as which friends you want called for your support when a somber-looking officer in uniform shows up on your doorstep, or which flavor of chaplain will provide for your religious needs in your time of soul-crushing grief, or how you would notify other family members. Fun stuff, right? Who wants to think about that?
Here's the thing: we do think about it. Sometimes we think about it a lot.
It might seem strange to those outside the military community that we work through every detail of an event as terrifying as receiving news that one's spouse has been killed. It's not exactly something that comes up in normal conversation, especially when the popular image of a military spouse is that of someone who is tough and brave and a pillar of strength and sacrifice for the servicemember and the family back home. Nobody wants her friends and family to think that they are morbid, weak, or--most repugnant of all--that by mentally exploring these scenarios, they are subconsciously willing it to happen. No wonder most people don't talk about it.
But what a relief when someone finally does say something! I have been reading the blog to which I linked above, called SpouseBUZZ, for a few years, and its contributors have made gigantic strides in bringing "anticipatory grief" out of the shadows and showing military spouses that they are not alone in their fears or what they may have thought was a shameful preoccupation with the most painful "what-ifs." Nothing is ever as scary or hard to deal with when you know that other people are dealing with the same thing, and the wealth of posts and comments under the Anticipatory Grief category provides evidence in writing that military spouses are coping with this hitherto lonely and silent pain together, and without being ashamed. For me, and for a lot of other military spouses out there, there's comfort in that knowledge.
Of course, it's easier for me to think calmly and rationally about this difficult subject with my husband home and cooking me dinner fifteen feet away from my seat on the couch. My thoughts are with those currently facing these fears while counting down the months and days until their loved ones are back in their arms.
How are you celebrating St. Patrick's Day?
I'm enjoying enduring another day of rather Irish weather: rainy, drizzly, and all around wet and miserable. While saints don't do much for me personally, I'm not going to argue with a day on which so many people proudly wear my favorite color and drink my favorite beer. I actually started last night with a Guinness to celebrate the achievements of the latest class in M's squadron to qualify at the Boat. Some of our friends from Texas were amongst the CQers, so of course we had to go out to congratulate them and find out where they're headed next. Maybe now that they're through, there will be enough available CODs for M's class to have a chance to touch a real airplane before he's spent a full year out of the cockpit. I'm not holding my breath, though. I suppose it gives us more time to enjoy Guinness while we wait.
Warm Weather: I don't care what Punxsutawney Phil said about six more weeks of winter--spring is definitely in the air. This past weekend was sunny and glorious with highs in the low 70s. I helped M wash the car, so we've been enjoying the shiny blue brilliance over the past few days. We also tried out a new sushi place with a fantastic "bento box" lunch deal and spent some time at a local park. That place was hoppin': teenagers tearing it up at the skate park, young kiddoes screaming gleefully at the playground, kite-flyers flying kites of all colors at the top of the hill, and walkers, joggers, dog-walkers, and stroller-pushers making the circuit around the lake. I love that this park used to be a landfill, and now it's the place to be for all the locals who want to soak up a little outdoor fun.
Star Trek: For the first time in a while, M and I remembered that SciFi shows Star Trek: The Next Generation on Monday nights. So, we watched four hours' worth of my beloved TNG last night. Four hours. It was decadent, even if I did refrain from having any "Tea, Earl Grey, hot."
Hangar Dance: M and I are going back in time for Valentine's Day this year by attending a 1940s-themed "hangar dance" at a military aviation museum. What could be better than listening to a live big band and dancing amongst all manner of really awesome airplanes (the vast majority of which are restored and still flyable)? M is going to look classically snazzy in his Service Dress Blues, and I'm wearing a vintage 1940s suit from my grandmother--with bright red lipstick. I found out about the dance through a fellow Civil Air Patrol member who also happens to volunteer at the museum, so I knew there would be at least a few acquaintances there, but I just found out that a buddy of ours is also going. He'll be wearing the eminently historical Aviation Working Greens, which he has been campaigning hard to save from the Navy's scrap heap. I can't wait to see what the other dance-goers come up with.
I have been shockingly lazy about updating my Vox with anything related to actual recent events in my life. I have meant to, you understand, but I get it into my head that this-and-such deserves a detailed, well-thought-out entry, and I never quite catch hold of the motivation to crank one out. Then it feels like too great an amount of time has passed and I give up all hope of getting caught up. This go 'round, though, I am telling myself that it is still only January and that's in plenty of time to catch myself up on the year today. So, in abstract form for possible future entries in greater detail, what we've been up to in the year to date:
The Commissioning of the USS George H.W. Bush: Thanks to a father-in-law who ensured that we received an invitation, M and I had the privilege of witnessing our country's newest aircraft carrier come to life. I can't compare the experience to anything else I've ever seen, except to say that it definitely ranks up there as one of the coolest.
Z's Bar Mitzvah: Almost exactly thirteen years after M's own bar mitzvah (memorable for a massive blizzard that snowed everyone in and made his family leery of all wintertime events forevermore), his cousin Z celebrated his ascension to religious adulthood. Not only did this young man do a fantastic job with the intricacies of leading a Shabbat morning service, but he spoke with grace, humor, and insight about growing up African American in his adoptive Jewish family. The service and the celebration that followed recognized the multitude of cultural influences that have shaped him into the person he is--an intelligent, loving young man whom I am glad to call my cousin.
The Inevitable Bit About Civil Air Patrol: Yep, I'm back in the swing of CAP things after the holiday break. Last week, my squadronmates and I were guests of another local squadron for some Urban Direction Finding training. We learned the theory of how to use radio equipment to locate emergency beacons in non-wilderness areas. Around here, the practical application of this skill usually involves going to one of the local military bases to find and deactivate ELTs that have been set off accidentally. Next weekend we're going to do a short exercise with practice beacons to show that we know how to use the locator equipment. Mission Observer (aircrew) training is still in the offing, but it's nice to get an idea of the bigger picture of the emergency services CAP provides. It ain't all about the airplanes all the time.
All right, even if I never actually get around to writing another word on the above subjects, I can at least consider myself caught up for having mentioned them! In fact, I'm caught up enough to talk about today. It's actually off to a pretty good start for a Monday: dinner's already in the slow cooker, I've run the dishwasher, and my friend Annie is coming over for coffee or tea and perhaps even rum cake modified from this Pioneer Woman recipe, if I'm feeling motivated. Even though I'm still lazing about in my PJs, I feel like I could get motivated enough for cake.
It's Election Day! How was your voting experience?
I just got back from a brisk walk to the neighborhood elementary school to cast my ballot. It's drizzling, so I got to snuggle into my bright green rain trenchcoat before finding my way to the little gym where the voting machines were set up. I showed my ID, the lady checked me off on the computer, and handed me my access card, which I took over to the touchscreen machine. A few touches later, I was ready to squeaky-shoe over to the door for my "I Voted" sticker and head home. Pretty painless, all in all.
There was hardly any line at all; I had thought there would be more people voting on their lunch hour. I wonder if I just hit at a slow time of the day, because it would be a real shame if a little drizzle kept people from exercising their hard-won right to participate in our country's government. Veterans Day isn't until next week, but Election Day is not a bad time to remember those who have fought and continue to fight for that freedom that allows us to voice our opinions.
Show us why you need a vacation.
The United States Navy insists upon playing a major role in our life in exchange for the fine education and the flight training they have invested in my husband, and little things like getting away on regular vacations are not high on their list of priorities. We were not able to take a honeymoon at the traditional time (you know, in close temporal proximity to the wedding date) because we had to hurry to Texas so M could continue training. We count ourselves lucky that he got time off for the wedding. Now, one year and nearly ten months later, the stars have aligned and we can finally take some of that leave he's built up. When we get back, we'll be heading shortly for a bewildering way of life that is dependent upon the unpredictable daily flight schedule when M classes up for the C-2 FRS. We don't know when the next opportunity to get away on a trip longer than a weekend will come--perhaps not for several years--so we're going to have to make the most of all that relaxing on the beach. All I need is an ample supply of industrial-strength sunblock to protect my apallingly fair hide and I'll be set.
Show us your favorite person in uniform.
I have a great deal of respect and admiration for many men and women who serve in uniform, but I must admit to playing favorites in quite a definite way.
Don't worry, it has nothing to do with fish (even if Troy McClure might prefer otherwise). I was spending some quality time browsing YouTube for videos of the plane my husband will be flying, and I felt the need to share them with (or inflict them upon, depending upon your level of fascination with airplanes) my dear readers.
This first one is of a trap, or carrier landing. Man, the COD is a big hoss.
This one is a montage of video and photos of the COD set to music. It's certainly no "Pump It," but there are some fairly cool shots.
What question do you hate being asked?
It's really a set of two questions that go together: "How long are you going to be here, and where are you going next?"
The answer to each is a great big "I don't know!" While we might have our guesses and probablies and maybes, the all-consuming Needs of the Navy are no constant thing to be depended upon and planned around far in advance. I am slowly--and not always gracefully--getting used to dealing with the big ("Where will we be living after this assignment?") and little ("Will we find out about tomorrow's schedule at five o'clock tonight, or will it be delayed?") uncertainties, but I know it can seem bizarre and unstable to some of my civilian friends and family.
For instance, we just bought our first house. We did so not knowing whether M will be stationed in the area for four years, as will be the case if he gets assigned to an East Coast squadron for his first sea tour, or if we'll be sent to California or Japan after just a year here. Here's the kicker: we will not find out whether we're staying or going until just before we would have to leave--we'll have a few weeks' notice if we're lucky. Thus, while we are hoping to stay put, we still have to plan as if we will be packing up and moving out next summer.
A dear friend of mine from high school was understandably boggled as to why we would choose to buy a place when we have maybe a fifty-fifty shot of living there longer than a year. Why not just rent, sign the year lease, and wait and see about buying once we knew where we'd be for the next three years? There are a lot of reasons we wanted to buy instead of continuing to rent, many of those likely familiar anyone looking to become a homeowner, but even discounting those, our timing made sense to us. Waiting to buy would certainly eliminate one worry, but it would also guarantee that we'd have to move in a year even if we stayed on this coast. I'd rather take the chance that we might be able to avoid a move for four whole years. The mere possibility that we could have that kind of geographical stability after moving three times in our first year and a half of marriage is extremely appealing.
Also, we have always planned to use our house as a rental property when the Navy inevitably sends us to another duty station. If we waited until we had a guaranteed stable location for multiple years, we'd be locking ourselves out of homeownership for the next twenty years. Even if we have to move earlier than we'd prefer, it doesn't upset our plans, it only moves up the timetable a bit. Sure, there are complications that wouldn't exist if we had more control over where we lived and for how long, but I'm stoked about how we're handling them. We're thrilled to be living in a home that belongs to us; it feels great to know we have that degree of control as well as the additional responsibilities. All we have to do while we spend this year enjoying our awesome house is do some research and make sure we're as prepared to look for tenants in one year as we would be in four.
Getting back to the QotD, while I may get tired of hearing questions about where we're going and how long we're going to be there, it's only because I wish I could give my family and friends a more satisfying answer. It must be frustrating to hear me say, "I don't know, and I don't know when I will know, either," like a broken record. I'm not actually offended by the questions, because believe me, I have the same ones for the Navy!
The Navy ain't talking, though, so I guess we'll all wait and see together. Semper Gumby, right?
A vital step in the process of getting settled in the new house has been completed: we have high-speed Internet access. Compared to the hoops of fire we had to jump through to accomplish this back in Texas, getting connected here was a breeze. Score one for Cox; we'll see how the rest of their service stacks up.
Having said access allows me to do exciting things like share the news of what M will be flying as his fleet aircraft. We found out this morning that he will be a C-2A Greyhound pilot. The Greyhound is the COD, which stands for Carrier Onboard Delivery, meaning that he will be flying cargo and people and what-have-you to aircraft carriers. I plan to tell new acquaintances that my husband is a Greyhound driver and watch them try to puzzle out what on earth a bus has to do with Naval Aviation.
